I told Si Lin yesterday that I can't wait for 8th December to come so I can go for my operation. She said I was weird and crazy and no one looks forward to surgeries. haha. But really, it's different in my case because that op is like a key to freedom for me. I know its a little awkward that I am describing it this way, but.. I guess it's just a figure of speech and no one can really understand it unless he or she has been through something similar. I went jogging the past two days and my legs are aching now. haha. Asking for it right, I know. But then again.. I think one reason I decided to jog despite being in the midst of hardcore mugging is because I know I would have to rest after my op, and I want to make full use of my chance to run now. I really enjoy running :) It's a combination of alone time and freedom of thoughts. haha.

You know at times, I study until I lose track of everything other than my books and notes. zzz It's bad, I know. My brother calls me a cao4 (smelly) mugger. hahaha. And something scary happened last night while I was studying at my desk. 5 seconds of dizzy spell, like my room's spinning (or my head, for that matter). I just went "woahhhhh" after that. The way your body shouts out to you tor rest is just amazing. haha. Scary, I tell you.

Seems like everyone has struggles. Press On :)

PS: I promise to treat myself better. After exams. :D

Thought about what I could write in this space. Videos, songs, et cetera - Can these really aptly describe feelings, situations and thoughts? Probably not sufficiently or in depth, but the idea is there.

What motivates you? What are the reasons why you hold on to certain hopes, dreams and aspirations? In times of struggle and lost, what is the underlying reason why you hold on? Is it your heart? Maybe your mind, or maybe both. Your heart defines the emotional boundaries. It makes you feel and experience emotions. I am holding on because I have to, I want to, and it just feels right. Your mind plays around with thoughts a little differently. It organises, rationalises and analyzes those thoughts. I am holding on because it is politically correct, it bears the most benefits, and it is the right thing to do.

So what entails right or wrong? Without regards to moral and ethical situations, probably nothing. It is hard to draw the line to define what exact is right and what is wrong. It is good to know though, that the heart and the mind do not always work antagonistically. Instead, if you really attempt to allow them to meet, you will probably be able to reach consensus. Many a times, we have the answer. We just do not know if it is the "best fit line" even if we really want the answer to materialize.

These said, I guess it all boils down to really knowing yourself and what you truly want. If you really want something - a hope, dream, aspiration, almost anything - you will probably have your reasons for it and motivation usually comes naturally with justification. If it becomes tiring to hold on, maybe what you need to do is to make some adjustments and redefine what truly is important and of value to you.

Someone save me from IT please! :(

A realisation hit me just now. I realised that these few days, in moments before I fall asleep and moments before I wake up, my mind has been filled with what I studies in the day. Argh! It's so distrubing!

2nd December :)

Si Lin shared this song with me :)

Pssst.

Don't give up.

You've made it so far.

You've been through so much.

Let the past serve as a constant reminder to never give up.

Don't lose it.

You've been handling it well.

You will continue to make the best choice.

Don't let irrationality rule over what you truly want.

Be yourself, be happy.

No point living a life in sadness.

Always, always hold on to the basic element in life - happiness.

Don't let obstacles get to you. Find your way to get over all of it.

You know whatever happens, you'll live through it.

You'll stand back up as a better and stronger person.

Just like you always do..

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Communication is really important. It is essential to mutual respect, understanding and comprehension. It is the basis between any two persons. When conflict arises, communication ways would determine how the argument would end. Communication is a life-long skill. Some people take years to grasp it, while some are just naturally good at communicating. They are able to entice people when speaking with them. They know the exact moments to pause or to listen. They know the exact words to say and the appropriate variation of tone.

Sometimes, even the best communicator fault. This can happen when emotions take over. Many of us are victims to the former - we let our emotions get hold of us and many a times when this happens, we say things that we later regret in future. We speak deliberate words to hurt the people around us, or it can be that we are just not as careful with the words and tones we use in such situations.

Don't let emotions blur your rationality. Don't let these careless words cause damages that you can never undo.

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Take some time to understand the ones you care for around you. Take some time to understand how to express care, concern and love to them based on their preferences of receiving these. People express love and care in many ways and when people do not love you the way you want them to, it doesn't mean they do not love you. It just means they are doing it in the way that they feel most comfortable with and the way that they feel is the most effective.

You just gotta make some adjustments.

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Nerd mode :)